Divalicious darling of the undead Lil Marchette is this close to finding her own happily-ever-after with hunky live-in bounty hunter Ty Bonner. Unfortunately, reality is biting back in a big way. Lil's got mounting bills to pay and clients to keep happily hooked up courtesy of Dead End Dating, the ultimate meet-and-greet for New York's fanged, furry, and fabulous. But leave it to a drop-dead gorgeous eight-hundred-year-old warlock with a big-girl fetish to take the biggest chomp out of Lil's happiness by kidnapping Esther Crutch, one of Lil's plus-size clients, now stamped as Grade-A Ritual Meat.

Leaving Ty warming the bed, Lil races to rescue Esther's curvy behind before she's turned into a Mayan sacrifice. The trail leads to Texas—hell by any other name—and as if dust, demons, and hopelessly outdated fashion weren't bad enough, fate gives Lil an unexpected partner: her mom, who is on a mission to meddle (as usual) and grab a little mother-daughter time. Will Lil remain calm in the face of smotherly love and save Esther—or will her client bite the dust?